The Weekend Report

Saturday

Woke up, got breakfast, the restaurant was pretty edgy. By the time I got down for breakfast the choices were pretty sparse, most of it was foreign to me. In the back of my mind I realized cereal is a pretty American thing, but it didn't really hit me until I couldn't eat any for breakfast. It was mostly fruits, breads, meats and yogurts. I ended up just having bread and water, not particularly filling but I haven't felt hungry all day. I felt very out of place, it was a semi-high class place. After breakfast I went back to my room and started packing up all my things. Eventually got it all together and made my way downstairs to check out. Talking with the people at the desk was somewhat stilted and awkward. Language barrier is a thing, and though most people speak English it's pretty choppy and they seem to have trouble understanding me. I realize I tend to string together my words sometimes, so I've been making an effort to talk slower and clearer. I asked the receptionist call me a taxi after checking out and I was off to the dorm. The taxi driver didn't speak English, so it was a minor inconvenience, and I had my pronunciation of the street name (Raatuse) corrected a couple times. All part of the experience I suppose. After arriving at the dorm I completed my check-in process, paying a deposit and signing a couple things. I learned that I wouldn't be able to get internet until I signed my housing contract. AND I can't sign my housing contract until Monday. In addition, the internet is a monthly fee and takes up to three days to connect. So it'll probably be a while until I'm able to get the internet. I was rather surprised at learning this, since the country practically boasts of its e-services and free wifi. I had expected the dorms to be equipped with free internet, or at least have a faster connection time. This is a huge inconvenience for me, as I was hoping I'd have the internet to keep myself grounded so to speak. It's something comforting and familiar, and would have provided a much needed distraction as well as given me an easier way to stay in touch with everyone back home. And communication is a serious need right now.

I won't sugar coat it: I'm alone and terrified. I'm waaaay far out of my comfort zone, the weather is something I'm nowhere near used to, the people and sights are unfamiliar and I haven't had any help. I've had to stumble around and discover how to do something or get somewhere on my own, until I can find people to ask, and even then I haven't met anyone who seemed particularly inclined to provide assistance. I've considered jumping ship a few times now, my instincts are practically screaming at me to turn around and go home as fast as possible. I'm miserably home-sick and I have no schedule at the moment. I'm doing my best to stay focused on the current moment and just get through one day at a time. On Wednesday I have orientation, so I will hopefully meet some people and get myself more familiar with the area. Until then, it's a struggle. I've developed a sore throat and runny nose, I'm still suffering from jet-lag and I've got a killer headache. Overall, I'd say the experience is miserable so far. I wish I could say I'm excited to start school and be in a new place. At this point, I honestly cannot. But after some encouraging words from the people I care about, I'm doing my best to stick it out. The small amounts of joy have come from surprisingly simple things: talking to my mother, talking to my boyfriend, and the sound of snow crunching under my feet as I walk. It's a very small sound, but brings me some semblance of happiness for no reason in particular. The sight of snow blanketing everything is also quite nice, and not as dismal as I expected. It's almost magical, especially at night.

Now that I've finished expressing my sorrows I'll continue with the day's story. After pouting over the internet situation for a while I went downstairs to ask a few questions and hopefully get myself a bit more oriented with the area. I was informed that a cafe down the street had free WiFi, so naturally that was my first stop. I didn't spend a lot of time there, just grabbed lunch, and a couple water bottles. I stayed long enough to post an update on my internet situation to Facebook, and Skype with my mother for a while. Also, while I was there they played "Call me Maybe" on the radio. I wasn't sure whether to be amused or horrified. After this, I walked back towards the dorm and stopped at a medium sized grocery store. It was a fairly familiar place, possessing a layout similar to the grocery stores back home. The one exception I found was, there was no cereal isle and the alcohol section (mainly consisting of liquor) was much larger and varied then I had ever seen. I purchased a few necessities, toilet paper, soap, bread, cheese and, what I hope, is milk. Most of the foods were labeled purely in Estonian, so it was a bit of a gamble with the purchases I made. The cashier did not speak English, and when I asked if she spoke she gave me an apologetic look and kept forging forth with her Estonian. Luckily the price was on the digital readout so I had no trouble paying. The bags were very very small, so I was slightly rushed trying to get all of my items until they were at least able to be carried. I managed, but just, my arms were killing me by the time I made it back to my dorm. Upon arrival back at my room I discovered that someone else was moving in, she is an exchange student from Korea. Still waiting on 4 other people to arrive, as there are 3 rooms and 2 beds per room.

After putting things away I discovered that the previous tenants had left a lot of food in the fridge. Unfortunately it was all well past its expiration date, so I'll have to eventually tackle cleaning out the refrigerators. Not a task I'm looking forward too. The bathrooms could also use a good clean, but I do not yet possess the mental fortitude to do that. (It's a pretty frightening prospect).

I'm feeling a bit calmer at this point, still pretty unhappy and terrified, but not to the point that I am crippled into doing nothing. Writing has helped a lot, it's a very cathartic process and it helps to put my feelings into words by typing. It got dark quickly here, around 4:30 everything started dimming and by 5:00, or rather 17:00, it was completely dark and all of the street lights were on. I'll be attempting to relax for the next few hours, then hopefully getting some sleep. I've yet to determine how comfortable or warm my bed is. Here's hoping for the best!

I decided to take a shower before going to bed. The floor in the shower is pretty gross looking, and there's no door, just an open area with a shower curtain. However, the water pressure was surprisingly good! Miles better than what I had at the dorm at CofC. There's a bit of irony for you. The hot water also lasted quite a while. I made sure to take a nice long shower, for research purposes of course. Getting out of the shower was a completely miserable experience. The room with the shower in it was warm, because of the steam, but as soon as I stepped out into the hallway. Phew. It was too cold for words. The cheap towel I was provided with also ended up shedding green fuzz all over me, so that was rather frustrating. My room was fairly cold as well, there's only a radiator for heat, and I'm not sure if I'm using it correctly or what, because I was shivering under my covers until I warmed them up a bit. Doesn't help that the window lets some of the cold in as well.

Roommate ended up doing dishes at 4 in the morning. A standard time, I'm sure. Luckily I fell back asleep rather quickly, but I spent a good few minutes glaring at the ceiling sleepily.

Sunday

I woke up around 9 and got myself up to eat breakfast. I was pleased to find cheerios at the store, and though my milk purchase was a gamble (as everything was labeled in Estonian) I managed to find the correct one. Though it did taste a bit sweeter and thicker than milk at home, it got the job done.

I also noticed that I was developing a small cough. In addition, my nose is still congested and my throat is still very sore. I'm hoping that this doesn't grow into something worse, as these are the usual symptoms before I get pretty sick.

Thankfully I am a bit calmer now. Still a far cry from happy or comfortable. But I no longer feel as though I want to crawl out of my own skin, and I didn't wake up crying. I feel slightly more equipped to tackle this study abroad experience. It helps that I have something to do on Monday and that I'll be one step closer to getting internet. Until then I'm going to try and sleep more and watch some movies to keep myself distracted.

Ended up sleeping until 5:00. Oops. Woke up feeling pretty miserable (health wise). I wasn't sure if I was feverish or it was just a mixture of my room heating up and my covers being too hot. I really wish I had someone to take care of me and bring me soup :(

For the rest of the day I basically did nothing but watch movies. Yay productivity. Tomorrow I plan on getting up early, signing my housing contract, starting the internet-getting process and doing some more shopping. I really, really need a proper towel. The one I was given sheds all over me and is quite thin. I'll probably also get some cleaning supplies. If I'm feeling up to it I might explore a little bit, we shall see.

Monday

Woke up at 11:00ish. I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night since I had slept so late the previous day. Got dressed and signed my housing, and internet contracts. A fairly easy process, and I was told that I could have internet as early as this evening! Unfortunately they contact you via email, so I'll have to make a couple trips to the cafe down the street to check it. Seems odd that an internet provider would email you, when they know you have no internet. Ah well, all I can do is pray to the internet gods and check my email as often as possible.

I still have a serious case of the "oh god how is there so much snot in my nose/how can I go through so many tissues" and sore throat/cough.

I also watched someone de-ice their care this morning. (inb4 creeper, I'm just observing!) I almost felt smug that I didn't have to do that, it's one experience I don't mind missing out on.

Exciting news! On my third step outside this morning I slipped on the ice. That's one thing off my "experience ice and snow" checklist.

Also, good lord the amount of American pop songs they play in this cafe is off the charts. Just suffered through "Wrecking Ball."